


aaron burr, sir

by vixen (hestiaandhercat)



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Human Disaster Aaron Burr, Monologue, Other, kinda shippy but not really there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:28:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23836894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hestiaandhercat/pseuds/vixen
Summary: He is afraid that Alexander might die the whole war long, more afraid than that he might die himself and he chastises himself for it, since he has seen the guy like a grand total of two times, and they have nothing in common.
Relationships: Aaron Burr/Alexander Hamilton
Comments: 7
Kudos: 21





	aaron burr, sir

When it comes down to it, it’s all his fault.

It’s always his fault, so Aaron Burr doesn’t know why he’s even still surprised by it.

He remembers the first day he met Alexander, which is many years ago now, of course, and yet still plays in his mind as vividly as if it was yesterday. The light in his eyes, even then making him something else, standing out from any crowd. All the talk of revolution, Aaron should have never been drawn to it, but somehow still was. Alexander, of course, young and deliciously inexperienced, was in cahoots with all the other young idiots straight away. Aaron honestly doesn’t know if he’d have expected anything else.

And who is he to say that Alexander was stupid in his rebellion? It all worked out for them just fine in the end, didn’t it, and once again, he himself is the one who got it all wrong.

He is afraid that Alexander might die the whole war long, more afraid than that he might die himself and he chastises himself for it, since he has seen the guy like a grand total of two times, and they have nothing in common.

Alexander is so full of hope and fire and rebellion that it seems highly unlikely he’s gonna make it to the other side of the war. And yet he does. In fact, they both do. And Aaron has a good sit down with himself and tells himself that this was a weird obsession of his as long as the war lasted, now it’s simply impractical, and therefore he will not think about Alexander anymore.

It’s a good plan. It kinda goes up in flames when Alexander moves in right next to him.

Aaron can’t really say it’s Alexander’s fault, since for all he knows they’ve moved in at the same time, but still, it sure does feel like Alexander is following him. And it hurts only so much more that he is not. He is always there, and not at all interested in being there.

And Aaron is not interested in him either, he is not, not at all.

There’s just so much untold story in his eyes, and secrets hiding in the corners of his lips, and sometimes Aaron wonders what they would taste like.

The secrets, of course. Not the lips. Never the lips.

He is hurt when Alexander doesn’t support him in the candidacy. He does not understand how someone he has admired from afar for so many years now can actually hate him so much. Or not even hate him, since hate is a strong word and would therefore require a strong emotion. Alexander is just indifferent about him. Aaron does not matter at all in his life, in his future, in his thoughts. All the discussions they have had weren’t something that Alexander looked forward to, that he deliberately arranged sometimes, they just happened - and had apparently made Alexander convinced that Aaron doesn’t have any beliefs.

Aaron sits himself down that night and tries to be rational about it. He does have beliefs. He is sure of it. Somewhere. But he isn’t so sure. He has always been one to stay low, to survive, and now he realizes that he might have survived, but he doesn't know what he survived for.

And through all the pain of being so utterly rejected by someone he does not even care about god dammit (he does not), it comes to him that Alexander might not be wrong. Aaron is belief-less, goal-less, nothing but a spirit sucking the life out of this world. He was never meant to survive this war, he knows it in his bones.

He is being petty about it, Aaron knows that, and yet he does what is right and expected of him, and will show everyone that he does in fact have beliefs.

He requests a duel.

A duel is in order, a duel cannot be denied after this kind of thing is spoken out aloud in a respectable environment, and yet Aaron does not feel like he is doing the right thing. It is just him trying to fit in again, him playing the role of Aaron Burr, and Alexander knows it.

Aaaron looks at him for the first time in ages when they meet up that morning, really looks at him, not in an  _ I might be fancying you  _ way, but simply seeing what is there.

Alexander has grown tired. He is not old by any means, neither of them is, and yet there are new lines in his face, lines that tell tales of worry and misery and pain lived through.

And so, on that morning, in the middle of dawn, he raises his gun, and he wishes for it to end. And he feels like Alexander is of the same opinion, that it should just end, they should end, and later he'll find some excuse or other for what he did, but in that moment, what he truly thinks is that he wants it to end so badly.

They shoot. Alexander shoots into the sky. Aaron does not.

And then he falls, fire in his eyes finally gone, and he looks surprised even in death, at least with what is left of his face. Aaron stands there, shaking, and isn't sure what he has just done, wants to grab the gun, refill it, shoot himself as well-

But then there are people, and it's too late, and a doctor looks at Alexander for a second and then says that it's too late, and someone is grabbing him, holding him upright by sheer force, and Aaron doesn't remember anything for a long time afterwards.

He does not want to remember, anyway.

He lives his life. He grows old and older, and Alexander is long gone, and he still can’t forget him: eyes of fire and so many beliefs bundled up in his heart you always thought he might burst. He should have shared, Aaron thinks. So that maybe he himself could have also had something. Believed in something. Been something worth living.

  
  
  



End file.
